Monday, December 10, 2018

SCARS are more than skin deep. The love that sees me through....

On the heels of yesterday's post, this morning I saw this amazing interview with Sarah Hyland that resonated perfectly with what I have been feeling ~

Sarah Hyland on Her Two Kidney Transplants | SELF

In part, she says, "Scars are scars.  They are little tally marks of what you've been through as a human being. ... When a family member gives you a second chance at life, and it fails, it almost feels like it's your fault.  And it's not.  But it does."

I feel so much of what she says intensely.  I am ashamed to have cancer ~ AGAIN!  I am so sorry for having put my family and dear ones through all this ~ AGAIN!!!  I am proud, and decidedly pissed, to have over 20 surgical scars and vitiligo.  It is hard to feel pretty when so much has been changed about you.  It is hard to feel strong when so much has been removed from your control.  It is hard to feel deserving of love from dear ones when so much suffering and work and sacrifice has been forced upon them - because of you and your weakness.

I have rambled on, and been inspired by many, when thinking about this over the years:

SCARS - More than skin deep

And yet, when checking my phone this morning - there was this:

"Good morning Wonder Woman. Sorry for the early text.  Heard this song and it made me think of you."   Lauren Daigle - Look Up Child

My dear TL!!!  Your text brought light and tears and love.  And I am thankful.

I don't know that this meandering missive really has a point other than honesty and the hope that love can provide.  I believe that shared truths make us stronger.  And the love and kindness that I am given daily, by so many, will see me through.

love, les


  1. Neither you nor Sarah should feel ashamed or at fault for anything! Just as you have been there for those who have endured health problems, your loved ones want to be there for you.

  2. Of course there is no shame, and you know it intellectually. But feelings will out.

    So - the massive number of gifts you have given to those who have cancer or whose close ones have cancer, smacks down and eradicates any iota, any cell, of shame. Period.